It’s 7:30 pm. It’s March 12th. I live in South Dakota. Despite these three facts, I just got back from walking the dog, wearing just jeans and a t-shirt. It just continues what has been a remarkably warm and mild winter. I look at the forecast for the next 10 days, and all I see are highs in the 60s and 70s, approaching 80 on some days(!!!). The LOWEST temperature predicted for the next 10 days is 37, tonight. After that, there are no days predicted with lows below 42 degrees. MARCH…SOUTH DAKOTA…STILL WINTER…and yet there are no temperatures predicted to even APPROACH freezing for the next 10 days. Remarkable.
And how does that relate to British Petroleum (BP), or cherries? Good question! As I got back from my walk, I noticed that my hostas next to the house are starting to poke their heads out of the ground. Have I mentioned this is early March? Have I mentioned this is South Dakota? I usually consider May 12th, 2 MONTHS from now, too early to plant, as we’re still likely to get frosts after that date. But here we are on March 12th, and I have perennials starting to poke out. And therein lies the relationship to cherries. I have 3 cherry trees in the backyard. Given the weather, I have NO doubt that my cherry crop will suffer the same fate it suffered last year. Last year we had a warm stretch in the spring, followed by the typical frosts. I lost the blooms on my cherries, and didn’t have a single cherry on any of my three trees. Given the incredibly warm weather we’re having now, once again, I think I’m likely to lose my cherry crop, as we will inevitably get more hard freezes after this very early warm weather.
And hence the link to BP! Ok, it doesn’t necessarily have to be just BP, it could be Exxon, Shell, or any other oil company. I’m using them as a scapegoat, as a representative, of all the fossil fuel producing corporations. I’m a scientist. I know I can’t directly relate the record-breaking warmth we’re having to global warming. One warm stretch can’t be directly attributable to climate. But this will be the SECOND year in a row I will be cherry-less!! Still not enough to attribute to global warming, but I don’t care! I’m panicking!! I’m distraught! No cherries!! No fresh cherry pie!! No cherry preserves!! No working in the back yard and snarfing down on fresh cherries!!
I am choosing to blame BP, in lieu of blaming all of humanity. I therefore am sending an invoice to BP for damages. If I am not paid in FRESH CHERRIES (to heck with the cash, give me the cherries, BP!), I will sue!! My list of damages are as follows:
- 10 pounds of fresh cherries from this year’s crop (I just have 3 little trees right now). At $3.99 a pound, that comes to $39.99.
- 8 pounds of fresh cherries from last year’s crop. My small trees were even smaller last year, hence 2 pounds less of an estimated “crop”. Damage estimate – $31.92
- 1 destroyed cherry tree. I USED to have four cherry trees in the back yard. Last spring, we had a monster of a windstorm, and one of my little cherry trees just snapped in two, right at the base. Research has shown that global warming will cause an increase in destructive storm events. It’s just one storm, but…I don’t care!! BP, I am blaming you!!!! Damage estimate – $129.99 (that’s roughly how much the trees cost).
- Pain and suffering. Can you imagine anything in the world that’s more traumatic than looking out your window during a thunderstorm, and seeing one of your prize cherry trees snap in two? Well…OK, so can I. But I was suffering for a few minutes there!! Damages – $7.58.
If my math is correct, I therefore am owed $71.91 worth of fresh cherries, plus $137.57 in cold hard cash to replace my destroyed cherry tree, and for pain and suffering!! BP! Consider this blog post to be an invoice!! You have 30 days to submit payment, or my crack team of lawyers will be in touch!!!