Congratulations, Rep. Allen West! Here's to you, and the rest of Americans with some sense of entitlement to drive monstrous over-sized vehicles, yet still complain about gas prices.
Never underestimate the stupidity of a politician. Does Rep. Allen West REALLY think the way to get at Obama is to bring up the cost of filling the gas tank on his Hummer? Poor West. He says it cost him $70 to fill the tank, and he blames Obama for it.
I’m using West as the “Scum of the Week”, but it might as well be the other millions of Americans who complain about gas prices. First of all…there’s VERY little that the U.S. government can do to control gasoline prices. Prices are going up right now due to drastically increased demand in China and elsewhere, and tensions in the Middle East…not exactly issues that the U.S. government can immediately address. The mantra of “drill baby drill” isn’t going to substantially reduce global oil costs, or gasoline prices.
But the real “scummy” part of this story are Americans and our sense of entitlement, with regard to cheap energy, and massive vehicles. The most straightforward way to reduce energy costs and dependence on fossil fuels from overseas? Efficiency and energy savings, NOT destroying the environment to wring every last drop of oil from every last square foot of American soil. Mr. West’s Hummer gets about 15 mph. How dare he complain about the price of gasoline, when he (like MANY Americans) drives a monstrous vehicle that eats gas like a kid with candy on Halloween.
It’s a shocking difference, driving in the U.S. versus driving in Europe. The size of cars is so much smaller in Europe. But evidently for West and millions of other Americans, it’s a god-given, American right to drive a monstrous vehicle, AND sound like a jackass when you complain about gas prices.
Not since Elaine and her boss started a business selling just the muffin tops have muffins been such a controversial topic in America.
America today continues to be gripped by the riveting story of Muffin-Gate. In September, the Justice Department’s inspector general reported that an audit had revealed department officials had paid $16 per muffin at a Hilton during an official meeting. The news sparked outrage from the public, the media, and the Justice Department itself, with accusations of government waste. Muffin-Gate 2011 continues the shocking string of muffin-related bombshells that have rocked the political world in recent months.
It was just three months ago that First Lady and noted child nutrition advocate Michelle Obama was spotted at a D.C. area gourmet-muffin store. Photos of the First Lady with a cream cheese mustache were splashed across the front pages of newspapers across the country, and an embarrassed Michelle Obama was forced to publicly admit that not only did she enjoy the king-sized sugary treats, but that she herself had gained weight and was sporting her own muffin-top. The resulting outrage over Mrs. Obama’s nutritional hypocrisy led to a 35% drop in muffin sales nationwide.
The $28 billion muffin industry took another hit back in May after the Tea Party attempted to incorporate a muffin theme into the movement’s political agenda. The idea blossomed when a member of Michelle Bachmann’s crack campaign staff watched a Seinfeld episode which featured the character Elaine eating only the delectable muffin tops, and discarding the bottoms. Bachmann and Tea Party leaders adopted the “split muffin” as a symbol of government waste, claiming inefficient government expenditures were akin to throwing away the bottom half of the muffins. Bachmann’s popularity initially surged as her now infamous muffin-themed campaign ads resonated with voters. Bachmann’s short stint at the top of the polls abruptly ended when it was revealed that the “gay conversion” therapy clinic run by Bachmann and her husband had been purchasing and serving cheap muffin bottom leftovers from the local homeless shelter.
The latest episode of muffin-gate 2011 was partially defused today as the Justice Department’s inspector general announced that it had made a mistake when it had reported the department had paid $16 apiece for muffins. In reality, the $16 fee charged by Hilton was to provide a complete continental breakfast for government participants at the meeting. The actual price of the muffin component of the breakfast remains a mystery, however, leading House leaders John Boehner and Eric Cantor to announce the formation of an official inquiry into government muffin prices. Rep. Peter King (R – N.Y.), chairman of congressional hearings into “Islam radicalization”, was named to lead the inquiry into muffin prices. “The high prices charged for government muffins are indicative of a much deeper problem”, stated King. “Why should good American muffins be so expensive? Muffin prices were never an issue…until 9-11.” King’s Muffin Panel has scheduled its initial hearing for next week, with most of the subpoenaed speakers representing the Muslim Muffin coalition.
GOP presidential hopefuls were uncharacteristically unanimous in their support of the Muffin Panel hearings. “Muffin prices were never an issue under Reagan”, said Newt Gingrich, “or under Bush. Muffin prices have always been higher when Democrats are in charge.” Texas Governor Rick Perry dismissed Democratic claims that muffin prices are simply reflective of the overall economy. “I don’t believe in that economic voodoo,” said Perry. “Muffin prices are God’s way of punishing us for believing in that dad-gum climate change mumbo-jumbo.” Herman Cain has responded to Muffin-Gate by making muffin prices a key component of his economic plan. “Under Herman Cain, no government employee will ever pay more than $9.99 for a muffin”.
Posted in Politics
Tagged $16, 9-9-9, Elaine, general, Herman Cain, Hilton, inspector, justice department, michele bachmann, Michelle Obama, muffin, muffin top, Newt Gingrich, Peter King, price, Rick Perry, Seinfeld