Romney may not show his humorous side that often, but given his opponent's penchant for self-destruction, he probably feels pretty jolly on the inside.
If I’m Mitt Romney, I’m feeling pretty good about now. He doesn’t even really need to campaign. All he has to do is watch the embarrassingly pitiful remainder of the GOP field self-destruct. Michele Bachmann…the embarassment of Herman Cain…and, yet again, Rick Perry chose to self-destruct in a debate today. In an attempt to bolster his conservative credentials, Perry said:
- “I’ll tell you what, it’s three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, education and, the –uh — what’s the third one there? Commerce, education and the uh, the uh…The third agency of government I would do away with — education, the, uh, commerce, and let’s see — I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.”
Wow, Gov. Perry. You’ve got a talking point that you were obviously rehearsing for this debate, and you can’t even remember the three agencies you were going to cut? I can’t wait until Saturday Night Live this week to see how they skewer Perry again over a debate performance.
Herman Cain’s performance? He got a lot of applause when he first took on the controversy facing him. He tried to move the discussion away from all the sexual harassment allegations towards issues. Yeah, good luck with that, Herm, especially after you chose to call Nancy Pelosi “Princess Nancy” later in the debate…a phrase that drew audible groans from the audience. Not a smart phrase to use for a slimeball being accused of sexually harassing 78% of all women he’s ever met.
Michele Bachmann already has countless websites devoted to her verbal gaffes. Ron Paul is considered a genius by a sizable portion of the GOP voting base…and a complete loon by most of America. Newt Gingrich continues to sound like the most intelligent and knowledgable GOP candidate…something which of course immediately disqualifies him from consideration (that, and the fact that he’s a conceited jackass). John Huntsman also seems intelligent and knowledgable, and unlike Gingrich, he also seems rather likable, but the press seems to completely dismiss him as a credible candidate.
Meanwhile, Romney just sits back and enjoys the bumbling, stumbling, self-destructive behavior of his rivals. He even was offered a golden chance in the debate tonight to attack Cain over all the recent accusations, and declined to do so. He doesn’t need to. With no credible “anti-Romney” candidate seemingly able to keep a foot out of their mouth, Romney’s best strategy right now is to simply kick back and enjoy the ride, all the way to the nomination.
Posted in Politics
Tagged candidate, debate, GOP, Herman Cain, John Huntsman, michele bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, nomination, republican, Rick Perry
Not since Elaine and her boss started a business selling just the muffin tops have muffins been such a controversial topic in America.
America today continues to be gripped by the riveting story of Muffin-Gate. In September, the Justice Department’s inspector general reported that an audit had revealed department officials had paid $16 per muffin at a Hilton during an official meeting. The news sparked outrage from the public, the media, and the Justice Department itself, with accusations of government waste. Muffin-Gate 2011 continues the shocking string of muffin-related bombshells that have rocked the political world in recent months.
It was just three months ago that First Lady and noted child nutrition advocate Michelle Obama was spotted at a D.C. area gourmet-muffin store. Photos of the First Lady with a cream cheese mustache were splashed across the front pages of newspapers across the country, and an embarrassed Michelle Obama was forced to publicly admit that not only did she enjoy the king-sized sugary treats, but that she herself had gained weight and was sporting her own muffin-top. The resulting outrage over Mrs. Obama’s nutritional hypocrisy led to a 35% drop in muffin sales nationwide.
The $28 billion muffin industry took another hit back in May after the Tea Party attempted to incorporate a muffin theme into the movement’s political agenda. The idea blossomed when a member of Michelle Bachmann’s crack campaign staff watched a Seinfeld episode which featured the character Elaine eating only the delectable muffin tops, and discarding the bottoms. Bachmann and Tea Party leaders adopted the “split muffin” as a symbol of government waste, claiming inefficient government expenditures were akin to throwing away the bottom half of the muffins. Bachmann’s popularity initially surged as her now infamous muffin-themed campaign ads resonated with voters. Bachmann’s short stint at the top of the polls abruptly ended when it was revealed that the “gay conversion” therapy clinic run by Bachmann and her husband had been purchasing and serving cheap muffin bottom leftovers from the local homeless shelter.
The latest episode of muffin-gate 2011 was partially defused today as the Justice Department’s inspector general announced that it had made a mistake when it had reported the department had paid $16 apiece for muffins. In reality, the $16 fee charged by Hilton was to provide a complete continental breakfast for government participants at the meeting. The actual price of the muffin component of the breakfast remains a mystery, however, leading House leaders John Boehner and Eric Cantor to announce the formation of an official inquiry into government muffin prices. Rep. Peter King (R – N.Y.), chairman of congressional hearings into “Islam radicalization”, was named to lead the inquiry into muffin prices. “The high prices charged for government muffins are indicative of a much deeper problem”, stated King. “Why should good American muffins be so expensive? Muffin prices were never an issue…until 9-11.” King’s Muffin Panel has scheduled its initial hearing for next week, with most of the subpoenaed speakers representing the Muslim Muffin coalition.
GOP presidential hopefuls were uncharacteristically unanimous in their support of the Muffin Panel hearings. “Muffin prices were never an issue under Reagan”, said Newt Gingrich, “or under Bush. Muffin prices have always been higher when Democrats are in charge.” Texas Governor Rick Perry dismissed Democratic claims that muffin prices are simply reflective of the overall economy. “I don’t believe in that economic voodoo,” said Perry. “Muffin prices are God’s way of punishing us for believing in that dad-gum climate change mumbo-jumbo.” Herman Cain has responded to Muffin-Gate by making muffin prices a key component of his economic plan. “Under Herman Cain, no government employee will ever pay more than $9.99 for a muffin”.
Posted in Politics
Tagged $16, 9-9-9, Elaine, general, Herman Cain, Hilton, inspector, justice department, michele bachmann, Michelle Obama, muffin, muffin top, Newt Gingrich, Peter King, price, Rick Perry, Seinfeld
Some random thoughts from perusin’ the web…
Hispanic Students Vanishing in Alabama – After an appeals court refused to block a tough new Alabama immigration law from taking effect, schools are reporting very sharp drops in attendance from Hispanic students. Many Hispanic families have said they plan to leave Alabama, which I’m sure is cause for celebration for the
bigots Alabama people who support the law. If they keep at it, maybe they’ll be able to achieve their dream of having a lily-white, minority-free Alabama.
Black Oystercatcher Faring Well in California - It’s always nice to focus on good news for a change! There’s been concern over the status of Black Oystercatchers on the Pacific Coast, but a recent survey in California found many more nesting pairs than expected. Great to hear, as these are one of my favorite birds. I’ve been fortunate to get a number of very good photo opportunities on a few trips to California and Oregon.
Bachman Says China Attacking U.S. Satellites with Lasers!!! - During an interview on the Laura Ingraham show, Michele Bachman said China has been attacking and “blinding” U.S. military satellites with lasers. Uh…Michele…maybe it would be best if you just slowly faded from the public spotlight. You seem incapable of opening your mouth without complete BS coming out. But when you’re talking on conservative talk radio, the audience demands right-wing wackiness, and Bachman certainly delivers.
Morality of U.S. Killing a U.S. Citizen with a Drone Strike - The first reaction upon the U.S. confirming the killing of American-born Anwar al-Awlaki in Yemen seemed to be overwhelmingly positive. We had, after all, just killed someone described as the highest priority target since bin Laden was killed. After a day or so though, many articles appeared questioning the morality of the U.S. government targeting and killing a U.S. citizen. It’s a tough issue. I’m against the death penalty, and think it’s simply barbaric for us to deal with criminality using the death penalty as a punishment. But even for me, war is another issue. I certainly don’t agree with the reasons nations go to war, but, unfortunately, even I recognize that at times, war is unavoidable. Given that we simply do not have the capability to capture, jail, and try people like al-Awlaki, there’s often not a lot of choice in terms of how to conduct a “war on terror”. Even with al-Awlaki technically a U.S. citizen, as distasteful as it seems, I’m not sure there’s not much else that could be done. What a world we live in…
Israel Approves New Settlements in Occupied Territory - On the other hand…maybe there IS more the U.S. can do to combat terrorism, than rely on the military and drone strikes. It ALL comes back to Middle Eastern attitudes towards the U.S., and that basically boils down to Israel and the issue of a Palestinian state. This week after Palestinian President Abbas went to the U.N. for support of statehood, Israel announced they were approving the construction of 1,100 new homes for Jewish “settlers” in East Jerusalem. I REALLY get sick of those that insist the U.S. continually, and seemingly unquestioningly, support Israeli interests. If Israel had ANY real interest in a two-state solution, it wouldn’t be continually provoking Palestinians through actions such as this. For once, I wish the U.S. would put their foot down and threaten to withhold Israeli aid, if they continue to build settlements in the occupied lands.
Traveller Arrested with Hummingbirds in his Pants - A Dutch traveler was arrested when airport authorities found a dozen live hummingbirds sewn into his underwear. Evidently, this same idiot already had a previous arrest for smuggling hummingbirds. I guess I didn’t realize there was a big black-market out there for hummingbirds. This is pretty sick though. I can’t imagine they would live very long all wrapped up like that, in someone’s underwear.
Posted in Birds, Education, Perusin' & Musin', Politics
Tagged Alabama, china, Citizen, drone, dutch, hispanic students, hummingbird, immigration, Israel, Israeli settlements, laser, law, Mahmoud Abbas, michele bachmann, morality, Palestine, satellite, smuggler, smuggling, two-state, underwear, United Nations, yemen
Perry profited, but the net result was good...thousands of Texas girls vaccinated against HPV. Bachmann goes out of her way to out-wacko her GOP competitors, claiming the vaccine causing mental retardation, despite NO scientific evidence of such a claim.
Michele Bachmann made a claim on Monday’s debate that a woman’s child became mentally retarded after getting the HPV vaccine. She says she heard it from the mother, so of COURSE it must be true! So true that it’s worthy of looking like a complete imbecile and talking about it on a nationally televised debate!
The forces of science and logic have struck back in this case, though (THANK GOD!). There is now an $11,000 reward for someone who can find any kind of proof that the HPV vaccine is in any way correlated with causing mental retardation. This all became an issue of course because Rick Perry mandated that all young females be given the HPV vaccine in Texas, a view that of COURSE was denounced by the right as stepping over the line.
This is ONE issue, and maybe the ONLY issue, where I actually agree with something Rick Perry did. There is ample proof that this vaccine can save countless lives by preventing cervical cancer. But then of course, news comes out that Perry has deep financial ties with the company that makes the vaccine, getting thousands in campaign contributions from the company. And it also turns out Perry’s former chief-of-staff became a lobbyist for the same company. Even when Perry does something RIGHT, he did it for all the wrong reasons, and is very deservedly getting blasted from the left for his ties to the company.
But of COURSE that’s not why the RIGHT is blasting Perry!! No, they’re blasting Perry for the government daring to intervene and tell people to get vaccinated. Saving lives? BAH! Who cares, says the right!! It’s government intervention into personal privacy!! But while the rest of the GOP
idiots candidates just simply bashed him for the same old tired GOP topic of too much government interference, Bachmann took it MUCH further with this idiotic statement regarding the vaccine supposedly causing mental issues. The sad thing is just how seriously some folks will take a claim like this, even though it just came completely out of the blue from one completely wacky GOP candidate (ok, they’re ALL wacky). Claims like this, and anti-vaccine wackos activists like Jenny McCarthy, seem to get a lot of traction in the main press and with the ignorant public, while (as happens WAY too often) the actual scientific evidence for linkages between vaccines and these health issues is just not there. Michele Bachmann certainly says more than her share of off-the-wall things, but this one, unfortunately, has real potential to cost lives by introducing more anti-vaccine fervor. She should be ashamed, as should the GOP in general for making the HPV vaccine a political issue.
Under Perry, the American worker may be paid minimum wage, lose union rights, and have no benefits. But you'll be able to bring your gun to work!!
In advance of this week’s debate, GOP candidates took some time to honor the American worker, in celebration of Labor Day.
“It is the American worker that has made us the greatest economic power on the planet…well, at least until Obama ruined the economy by refusing to drill for oil in the Everglades”, said Michele Bachman. “As president, the first thing on my agenda would be to lower or eliminate the minimum wage, in honor of the American worker. We’ll get America working again, even if we have to pay $2.00 an hour to do so.”
On the campaign trail, Rick Perry agreed with Bachman’s views. “Thanks to my policies of pushing minimum wage jobs, Texas employment is strong,” shouted Perry to an enthusiastic crowd of supporters. “And the last thing the American worker needs is government interference in their lives. In Texas, we’re the only state that doesn’t force employers to carry workman’s compensation insurance in the dangerous construction industry. In fact, we have the lowest workman’s compensation rate in the Nation! But I support workers. Where else but Texas can you bring your gun to work?”
Ron Paul also took time to honor the American worker while campaigning Sunday, and in a rare show of unit with other GOP contenders, he too voiced opposition to the minimum wage. “The minimum wage takes job opportunities away, especially for blacks“, said Paul. “I firmly believe the minimum wage is why 95% of young black males in Washington are criminals.”
Mitt Romney celebrated Labor Day by releasing a new video on his anti-union views. “I just want workers to be happy”, said Romney, “and if that means I have to take away their union rights to make them happy, then by god, I’ll do it. That’s how much I care about the American worker.”
Herman Cain, former Godfather’s Pizza exec, has perhaps the most consistent views regarding the American Worker. “I don’t think we need the minimum wage.” “Just imagine if all of America were run like I ran my pizza business…no minimum wage, no benefits, no vacation time…a busy and tired worker is a happy worker!! As for unions, everybody knows public unions are trying to destroy America!”
Pundits on the Sunday morning talk shows all agreed that the future of the American worker is very bright indeed, should one of these strong supporters of the American worker win the 2012 presidential election.
Lady Gaga, announcing that she will not seek the presidency of the United States
In a much anticipated statement that rocked the political landscape, Lady Gaga today offered suggestions on her top political priorities, but also stated she had no desire to become president. Reaction across the political world ranged from disappointment, to obvious relief.
“That Lady Gaga, she’s a real firecracker”, drawled an elated Texas governor Rick Perry. “I sure as shootin’ wasn’t lookin’ forward to runnin’ against someone with that kind of brainpower. World Peace as one of her three top priorities…genius, sheer genius that is….never would a thought of that one myself.”
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke stated he had mixed emotions about Gaga’s decision. “It certainly wouldn’t have made life easy for President Obama in the general election”, said Bernanke, “but today she said she’d do everything she could with the debt crisis. Please, Mz. Gaga…for the good of America, give me a call. I need your help.”
Immediately after the conclusion of Mz Gaga’s press conference, Michele Bachmann’s camp released a statement, pledging to offer the vice-presidency to Gaga if she were to win the GOP nomination. Later in the day on an interview on Fox News, Bachmann stated, “Bachmann and Gaga will restore America to its rightful place as the dominant world power. Only with Bachmann and Gaga will America return to the days of $2.00 gasoline.”
The political figure who seemed to enjoy Lady Gaga’s announcement the most was none other than former president Bill Clinton. “I for one am glad Gaga decided not to run”, said a grinning Clinton. “I’m lookin’ forward to spendin’ a little more time with her to talk about her statement today about ‘finding alternative uses for energy’. I got some energy that needs some alternative use.”
Some random thoughts from perusing the headlines…
- Bachman outlines economic agenda – Her “economic agenda”, if you are generous and let her call it that, includes repealing financial reforms and cutting corporate taxes. Yes, let’s reduce regulation and lower taxes even more. It did wonders for the economy under Bush.
- SEC satisfied with current alignment — It must really suck to be a Texas A&M fan right now. They basically announce they’re leaving the Big 12 and hated rival Texas, only to be turned down by the SEC. Thank god my Huskers left the mess in the Texas (Big) 12.
- Choice not so simple for Bubba – Yes, the choice is simple, Bubba. You can choose to be a QB for my beloved Huskers and start classes this fall. Or you can take a $8-10 million signing bonus and play baseball. TAKE THE MONEY. Say goodbye to my Huskers. There are no guarantees in life, and you just can’t pass this by. College can wait.
- GOP Can’t be Just About Tax Cuts – Rick Santorum? As a voice of sanity in the GOP? That’s how crazy things have gotten.
- MIT Claims UN Arctic Predictions are Inaccurate — Good news for those of you who dream of sailing to the North Pole. According to MIT, you may be able to do so in your lifetime.
- Stop Coddling the Super Rich — Warren Buffett, you are my hero. And you’re a Husker to boot…
- $300 million hypersonic aircraft goes missing — It’s not enough that we can destroy the planet 100 times over. We need to be able to do it FASTER. So let’s spend $300 million a pop on a faster weapons platform, and simultaneously cut education and science programs. Balancing the Nation’s budget isn’t that difficult, IF our priorities weren’t so damned crazy.
Posted in Climate Change, Perusin' & Musin', Politics
Tagged aircraft, arctic, Bubba Starling, climate change, hypersonic, michele bachmann, musing, perusing, Rick Santorum, Texas A&M, Warren Buffett