Tag Archives: legislature

Tiny Penis Men Renew Fight to Compensate with Guns

Just a few months after the Newtown tragedy, America is getting back to normal.  With our incredibly short attention spans, the deaths of a few dozen children seems like a distant memory for most folks.  With the incredibly pathetic, half-hearted efforts by the Obama administration and state governments to strengthen gun legislation, we’re returning to the status quo.  Tiny-penis men across America are ramping up the fight to compensate for their shortcomings by ensuring their right to carry the largest, most destructive weapon possible.

The fight has been spearheaded by tiny-penis men in my very own state of South Dakota.  Yesterday, tiny-penis governor Dennis Daugaard signed a bill that makes South Dakota the first state that allows teachers to carry guns in class.  The bill was sponsored by tiny-penis state legislator Scott Craig, a freshmen Republican (duh), who states that now “dominoes will start to fall, people will see it’s reasonable.”  Of course it’s “reasonable”!  Do you have kids?  Picture your kid’s teacher, carrying a gun in class, trying to fight off a nut with an assault rifle.  What?  A little difficult to picture that in your mind?  Hard to see that as more “reasonable” than simply disallowing access to assault rifles?  This is the 2nd bold effort by tiny-penis South Dakota men to ensure gun rights.  Last week, they voted down a bill that would have limited gun access to mentally ill people who have been deemed “dangerous” to others.  Just like tiny-penis men, crazy people have gun rights too!!!

The tiny-penis men of South Dakota are hardly the only tiny-penis men fighting for their right to compensate.  Kansas, a state that along with South Dakota is known for having a large population of weak, tiny-penis men, is considering a bill to greatly expand concealed gun carrying on college campuses. 

Compensation efforts by tiny-penis men extend all the way to the Federal level.  At Congressional hearings this week, miniscule-penis Senator Lindsey Graham stated he owned an AR-15, arguing for folks to imagine a scenario in a post-disaster world where government breaks down and roaming gangs are a danger!  EXACTLY!  WELL thought out, tiny-penis Senator Graham!!  This is EXACTLY the kind of realistic scenario that screams for the right of tiny-penis men to carry large weapons!  In a “Mad Max” post-apocalyptic world that is sure to come, tiny-penis men NEED automatic weapons to fend off gangs of evil-doers!!

FEAR NOT, TINY-PENIS MEN!!!   In America, there are SO many of you weak, tiny-member men fighting for your compensatory gun-carrying rights, that I truly doubt you’ll never have to worry about your right to carry gigantic weapons that you’ll never have use for any practical purpose other than trying to overcome your own insecurity.  With tiny-penis men like Lindsey Graham, Scott Craig, and Dennis Daugaard fighting for you, your right to access massive weapons will forever be secure.

South Dakota Legislature: Crazy People Have Gun Rights Too!!!

You gotta love the South Dakota legislature.  They don’t let little things like “fact” or “science” get in the way, as they’ve repeatedly shown in their ground-breaking attempts to somehow legislate away climate change.  They flaunt their world-respected power, voting on United Nations resolutions as if the United Nations gives a rat’s ass what the South Dakota Legislature thinks.  This week, they’ve continued to flash their “conservative cred”.  Hey, they’ve got competition from the Kansas Legislature and other red-state wackos!  Gotta prove who is the MOST conservative!!

To that end, yesterday a committee killed a bill that would have restricted firearm access to the mentally ill in South Dakota.  The law would have submitted the names of “dangerous” individuals to the federal database used for background checks, ensuring they wouldn’t have access to firearms.  Currently, South Dakota does NOT provide that information, meaning the mentally ill, including those deemed to be dangerous, could sail through a background check and buy firearms. 

Makes sense, right?  Restricting gun access to people who have been deemed to be dangerous?  A no-brainer, right?  HELL NO!!  THIS IS SOUTH DAKOTA!! Remember, we’re trying to compete with the Kansas’s of the world for who can be the most conservative, be it in denying evolution, legislating away climate change, or ensuring that a bunch of hairy old white men in the South Dakota Legislature control what women do with their bodies. 

CRAZY PEOPLE HAVE GUN RIGHTS TOO!!  Even people deemed to be DANGEROUS have gun rights!! YOU’LL TAKE OUR GUNS WHEN YOU PRY THEM FROM OUR COLD, DEAD FINGERS!!!!  Rep. Melissa Magstadt said she was “worried” about taking the right to bear arms away from the mentally ill before they had committed a violent act, even if mental assessment indicated they were dangerous to themselves or others.  BRILLIANT, Ms. Magstadt!! We wait until AFTER they commit a violent act before even considering taking away guns from crazy people!!

Rep. Scott Ecklund said the bill would “add to the struggle of people with mental illness”.  Yes, because NOTHING soothes the mentally ill like having a cache of weapons.  It’s MUCH more important that the dangerous mentally ill have gun access and, evidently, less of a “struggle”, than it is to protect the rest of the population! 

Kudos, South Dakota Legislature!!  Kansas, here we come!  You may (currently) have us beat on wacko evolution legislation, but we DARE you to touch our conservative cred on the issue of guns!!

Legislating away climate change

Earth on Fire

Anthropogenic effects on climate change? GONE!! Legislated away by the BRILLIANT (as always) Republicans in the North Carolina legislature. WHY in the hell didn't we think of doing this a long time ago??!!?

I don’t know whether to laugh, or cry.  Sometimes the complete idiocy (and greed) of human beings initiates both reactions at the same time.  Take the case of North Carolina law makers this week…

If you haven’t seen it, take the time to watch Stephen Colbert’s slant to this story.  It seems that a North Carolina coastal economic development group isn’t happy with scientists.  Darn pesky scientists…they had the GALL to predict that sea level rise would be greater than 3 feet by 2100.  It makes it a LOT harder to sell coastal real estate or convince companies to locate on the North Carolina coast, when all the evidence and science in the world points to that land being underwater in 50 or so years.

So…the economic development group has partnered with Republican (of course!) lawmakers in the state to basically outlaw science!!  The businesspeople and Republican lawmakers simply are saying that scientists are wrong, and that you should ONLY look at what’s happened in the past, to predict future climate change.  None of this fretting over CO2 levels that just reached 400 ppm!!  No fretting about accelerating warming in the polar regions that will melt ice like butter in a blast furnace!! Nah….it’s the REAL ESTATE industry that REALLY knows climate science!!!

So, they’re crafting legislation that would effectively legislate away climate change science!  They would make it North Carolina LAW that any climate projections affecting policy in the state would assume that sea-level rise will simply occur at historical levels, and won’t accelerate as global warming ramps up. 

Simple! Problem solved!  We scientist…SO, so silly, worrying about gathering evidence, analyzing the data, and spitting out facts and figures.  All we really need to do is legislate science away!  Think of the possibilities!  What if the Yellowstone caldera should get frisky and threaten to erupt again?  No need for scientists to study it…just pass a law outlawing the volcano from erupting!  Giant asteroid headed on a collision course with earth?  No problem!! Just legislate it away!!

Unbelievable.  It DOES perfectly represent what the Republican Party represents, however.  After all, we CAN’T have science interfere with real estate and business! If science is butting heads with business interests, is there ever ANY doubt on which side of the argument Republicans will land?   We’ve seen this story a hundred times in other forms…fracking and polluting water supplies, endangered species habitat vs. development, air quality vs. power company lobbyists…it’s the same story every time.  What’s so pathetic is that I’m sure Republican VOTERS in North Carolina are swallowing this hook, line, and sinker, and APPLAUDING their hillbilly legislators for this bold move.

To laugh?  Or to cry?  With each move Republicans make like this, it’s getting harder and harder to laugh about it.

So much for ANY good will towards SD Legislators…

Well, South Dakota Sen. Adelstein changing his mind on supporting a bill that would weaken public unions in the South Dakota had me feeling a TINY bit of good will towards the South Dakota Legislature. But of course, this being South Dakota, our brilliant legislators immediately blew that good will by introducing yet another screwed-up bill.

There’s no actual desire by energy companies to come to South Dakota and use fracking to extract oil and natural gas. But hey, don’t let a little fact like that deter the South Dakota right-wing redneck legislature from making SURE everybody knows that anyone who waves a $20 bill is welcome to come to our state and do whatever they’d like. A bill has been introduced that would let energy companies know that they are MORE than welcome to come and using fracking to get at oil and gas in South Dakota.

Nice job, South Dakota Legislature…don’t let anything like geology, just the basic availability of fracking-derived oil and gas, stop you from your noble work.  No, our legislators are always one step ahead of the game, facts and science be damned.  If there’s ANY right-wing, redneck, conservative, wacko idea out there, you can be damned sure some South Dakota legislator will latch onto the idea and push it in South Dakota, whether it applies here or not.  Thank GOD our legislators are making sure energy companies know that IF oil and gas could ever be extracted in quantity in South Dakota through fracking, energy companies are more than welcome to destroy our environment to get a few short term $$$$.

These bozos simply don’t have an original thought in their heads.  I swear our brilliant redneck legislators get up in the morning, read what bills are going through other state legislatures, and then use “copy/paste” and introduce them here.  It’s like they have some kind of inferiority complex, where they have to feel like “one of the gang” (the “gang” being other right-wing wackos).  Be it guns, fracking, climate change, or anti-union paranoia, rest assured, good citizens of South Dakota!  Our brilliant legislators are hard at work, making sure we copy the most conservative, environment-destroying, wealth-protecting bills that any other state may have passed!!

Three ridiculous bills, in the past 3 days.   I can’t wait to see what’s in store for this coming week.

And the hits keep on a comin’ – SD Legislature

R-Stan Adelstein

Stan Adelstein, another grumpy white male SD legislator with a personal agenda he wants to impose on the entire state.

Man, when the South Dakota legislature gets on a roll, there is NO stopping the endless string of bad legislation. We already know our South Dakota legislators are gun-totin’, bible-thumpin’ white boys who want the rest of the world to be, well…gun-totin’, bible-thumpin’ white boys. I also swear to god South Dakota legislators are the most easily influenced group of people this side of middle-school girls at a Justin Bieber concert.

Unions are evil!! The REST of the right-wing GOP establishment SAYS so!! So by god, our brilliant and innovative South Dakota legislators are going to fall RIGHT in line with the rest of the GOP, and do away with all the harm unions have done in the South Dakota. Repubs have filed a bill that would eliminate the right of public employees in the state to collectively bargain. After all, the idea has gone over SO well elsewhere, like in Wisconsin or Ohio, where voters rebelled against laws that restricted the rights of public workers to unionize and collectively bargain.

But hey, this is South Dakota. Our boys here are a little slow on the uptake. They’re JUST startin’ to pick up on this anti-union thing, and decided that they too needed to restrict public unions that have caused SO much harm in the state. Right? I mean, there has to be SOME reason they’re introducing this bill, other than the fact that our legislators here are a bunch of slack-jawed nincompoops who aren’t capable of doing anything but following the rest of the right-wing wackos in this country.

We already have wages that are the lowest in the country. Unions aren’t exactly causing businesses to fret over wages and benefits.   State and local governments aren’t being driven to the poorhouse by union-negotiated contracts.  So what possible reason IS there for Republicans to bring this bill up in South Dakota?

How about one MORE redneck, ass-backward South Dakota legislator with a burr up his butt?  R-Stan Adelstein is the major sponsor of the bill in the South Dakota Senate.  As Adelstein makes sure to point out, “I carry a concealed weapons permit“…something I guess Adelstein wants all those rabble-rousing union folk to know, in case they had any plans of messin’ around with him.  As the Argus Leader story above notes, Adelstein has had “run-ins” with unions before, in association with his engineering business.   What the hell, might as well take his own personal issues and make South Dakota teachers, fire fighters, policemen, and other public employees pay the price.

It’s ass-backwards.  It’s the South Dakota way.

South Dakota House – Again Asserting their Brilliance

Mount Rushmore Faces

Washington. Jefferson. Lincoln. Roosevelt. And now, "Hickey" (aptly named) and "Bolin". I move we immediately honor South Dakota Reps. Steve "Redneck" Hickey, and Jim "Bible Boy" Bolin, for their sponsorship of the South Dakota bill that "recommends" bible study in public classrooms.

There are a number of terms you’d never likely use in the same sentence as “South Dakota House”.  “Progressive”, for example.  “Fair and Balanced”.  “Intelligent”.  My current state of South Dakota has the unfortunate honor of having the most idiotic, ass-backwards set of politicians this side of Newt Gingrich.  The pinnacle of achievement for the South Dakota House was during the 2010 session, when they passed a bill calling for “balanced teaching of global warming” in South Dakota classrooms.  Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, or the Onion couldn’t craft a more hilarious piece of legislation than what is contained in this bill.  But seriously, why SHOULD educators teach our children about climate change, when “there are a variety of climatological, meteorological, astrological, thermological, cosmological, and ecological dynamics” that really drive climate change.  That, and the fact that carbon dioxide is “the gas of life”. 

Once again, the South Dakota House is feeling the need to assert their brilliance.  They recently passed a bill that recommends South Dakota educators add a study of the bible to the standard curriculum.  After all, according to them, the bible “permeates all culture, law, and philosophy“, and really, that’s all that matters to folks, right?  At least to white male Christian folks like those making up 99.99768% of the South Dakota House.  As R-Jim Bolin states, of COURSE we should have bible study in public schools, since such common catchy phrases such as “Old as Methuseluh” come from the bible and are SO prevalent in every day conversation today.  Just check your friends on Facebook, or listen to your teenage kids…they’re ALL saying it. 

Look, I have absolutely no problem with what people personally believe.  Live and let live.  Heck, despite my own beliefs, I even don’t have a problem if schools want to talk about the bible and it’s influence on Western culture….IF it’s done honestly and fairly.  But what are the odds of THAT happening in Hickville, South Dakota (99.2% of towns in South Dakota may qualify for the title)?  If a teacher cracks open a bible and starts spouting off bible verses in class…what are the odds that teacher will ALSO crack open a Koran and do the same?  What are the odds in South Dakota that the teacher will ALSO teach the philosophy of Buddhism?  Hinduism? 

You’ll notice the white Christian males of the South Dakota House ONLY said that teachers should talk about the Bible in classrooms.  What a shock.  Gotta love good ol’ state-sponsored bigotry, which is what this bill amounts to. 

Do us a favor, South Dakota legislators.  Stick to what you know best…things like your attempts to make sure every South Dakotan is armed to the teeth with the latest concealed or automatic weaponry.  Leave educational issues to those who are, well….educated.

Protecting people from their own stupidity


Average intelligence of the human race takes a dive in the movie "Idiocracy". I'm sure whether to laugh or cry about the premise of the movie, given the attitudes some parent seem to have towards protecting their children from something like HPV.

Have you ever seen the movie “Idiocracy”?  Silly movie with Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph, where they are put in “hibernation” by the military, who then forgets about them.  They wake up 550 years in the future, and find that humanity is, well…stupid.   Even stupider than they are today (Who wudda thought it was possible?).   The premise of the movie is that dumb people breed like rabbits, so by 2550, the collective IQ of the human race is about the same as my Cocker Spaniel.  Luke Wilson with his perfectly average 100 IQ thus becomes president, as he’s the smartest person on the planet.  He ends up saving the human race from their own stupidity.

Reading a story today reminds me of the movie.  As is the case in other states as well, Virginia law currently requires young girls to be vaccinated against the HPV virus.  Given the firm link between the virus and cervical cancer, you’d think parents would WANT their offspring protected from the virus.  You would be wrong, at least for many people who seem to trust anti-vaccine wackos more than the scientists that are trying to SAVE their children’s lives.  There is a push in the Virginia legislature to repeal the law.  Never mind that if a parent (stupidly) doesn’t want their child to get vaccinated, they already have an escape from the law. 

No, that’s simply not enough for the “Idiocracy” class of Virginia.  They WANT the right to be stupid.  They WANT the right to let their children wither and die someday from cervical cancer.  Obviously to these idiots, the choice is clear!  Let the STATE tell them how they should protect their children from a horrible disease that might kill them?  GOD NO!!  Just out of principle, it seems the Idiocracy class of Virginia would rather let their daughters die a horrible death, rather than trust in science or government.

Sometimes people just need to be protected from their own stupidity. This is one of those cases.  Young girls at the preferred vaccination age simply aren’t in a position to make the decision themselves.  You would HOPE a responsible parent would make the decision, and a mandatory vaccination program wouldn’t be required.  But then you would be assuming that people are rational and intelligent beings.  They obviously are not.

Whine and moan, redneck Virginia class of the “Idiocracy”.  Complain all you want about the state trampling on your right to let your own daughters die of cervical cancer.   If the Virginia legislature (or other state legislatures where anti-vaccination movements are gaining traction) had any shred of credibility, they would turn away the move to repeal the law, and do what’s right.  Protect these young girls from their own parent’s stupidity.