Tag Archives: in charge

“Take the keys away” from men

Hand over the keys, guys

OK guys, we've had our chance, and we've been a complete and utter disaster. We've had our 5,000 year run. Time to hand the keys over to women.

CNN has a story tonight about the Secret Service scandal involving prostitutes, and notes that one issue is that there simply aren’t enough women in the Secret Service (it’s about 3 men for every 1 woman).  The story just simply states that “Women don’t get into trouble the way men do”, and that having a male-dominated culture at the Secret Service is a BIG part of the problem.

Even as a man, I couldn’t agree more!  I think the world would be a MUCH more pleasant place if men were taken out of ANY position of real responsibility, and women were solely in charge.  What I propose…a proverbial “taking the keys away” from men, from the very moment they’re born.  Might as well start early, and remove ANY chance that men are ever put in charge of ANYTHING.  Want your little boy to run for president of the 5th grade class?  TOO BAD!! Girls only!!  The football coach of the local high school team?  MUST be a woman!  I think you could make it kind of “unofficial” rule for kids under 18, but the moment a man turns 18 or enters the work force, it should be a rule that no man can EVER be placed in a position of power over any woman.  No, even simpler, make it so no man can ever be placed in ANY position of power, ever.

I’m convinced such a system would eliminate 99% of the world’s problems.  As it is now, it seems that most of the world’s problems are caused by an excess of testosterone.  As a man, I confess that as a sex, we are selfish, egotistical pigs who seem to be ONLY driven by the need to compete and “beat” our fellow-man at, well, whatever life throws at us.   The macho bravado that typifies men playing any kind of sport?  It really isn’t ANY different in everyday life for 99% of men.

We all see it every day, from the moment we leave the house in the morning.  You’re driving to work, and inevitably some guy who simply MUST be ahead of you will drive like a complete jackass, either cutting you off, passing you, or just giving you the ol’ one-finger salute for daring to be on the same road as him.  You get to work, and the macho bravado continues, with a large proportion of men treating work less as a cooperative venture and more like a sporting competition, where the only real goal is to gain personal glory, no matter who gets stepped on along the way, or how it may hurt the company or group you’re working for.  Certainly my LEAST favorite aspect of work, by far, is dealing with people who only seem to care about ‘credit’ and putting themselves up on a pedestal.  And…the vast majority of those people are men.

Take that line of thinking up to positions of REAL power, and it only gets worse.  Give a guy an army to play with, and you’re just ASKING for bombs to be falling somewhere in the world, for a war to be happening somewhere, no matter whether it’s actually necessary.  As men, it seems like we can’t help ourselves.  We’re just not happy unless we’re trying to beat the hell out of another human being, either literally or figuratively.   I dare ANYONE to dispute that the world would be a much nicer place if we immediately removed all male world leaders, and replaced them with women.

No, given the machismo that permeates all men to some degree, I wouldn’t expect men to take such a drastic change without putting up a fight.  But think about it, men. No more dealing with the stress of competition.  No more stressing out about work, and trying to climb to the top.  Hell, it could even mean the end of neighborhood “lawn wars”, where men can’t help but fertilize and treat the hell out of their lawns in order to make their yard one-quarter shade greener than your neighbors.  Think how much more free time we would have, since right now, I think we each spend, on average, about 10 hours a day in some weird form of manly “competition”, be it at home, work, on the road, etc.

As my son would say…just “chill-ax”, guys.  Stop $ucking things up around the world.  We’ve be dominating the human race for, oh, 5,000 years or so.  It’s time to admit we’ve failed, and hand over the keys to what is UNDOUBTEDLY the “better half” of the human race.