Crap. Talk about a bummer. It’s my birthday Friday. Unfortunately, Friday is also the end of the world. Harold Camping, the loony religious nutjob who originally predicted the end of the earth would happen on May 21st, has “recalibrated” his calculations and concluded that this Friday, October 21st, is now the end of the world. Of course my mind is spinning over the deeper meaning of the timing of this. Just think about it. When god created the world 5,000 years ago, complete with Adam, Eve, dinosaurs, and tasty tempting apples (Rick Perry version of history), god had it all planned out. He had mapped out the future of humanity, and had purposely planned for the apocalpyse to occur on my birthday. Coincidence? Or has he planned the entire history of mankind, and our impending doom, just to teach me some kind of lesson? Is that the message I’m supposed to be getting right now?
Now I’m debating how to celebrate my birthday, while also preparing for the end of my very existance. Do I choose to heed the message that’s being sent to me? Do I spend the day repenting my sins? Or, do I simply admit that I’m totally screwed, and have one HELL of a fun last day on earth? I’ve chosen to look for the silver lining in the end of the world, and just go for broke on Friday. It’s not like we have much of a choice right? THIS time Camping is certain. On the bright side, any concerns about enjoying things in moderation are out the window. WOOO-HOOOO!!! I believe my wife is ordering some gourmet cupcakes for my birthday. Now I don’t have to stop at one! Or two! Or three!!! If my wife brings home a dozen cupcakes, I’m snarfing down at LEAST six of those babies. When we go out for supper Friday night, I’m also going to get a nice big, medium-rare steak, and you can be sure I’m getting REAL butter on my potatoes…maybe even real sour cream too. When I go out, I want to go out with a serious case of indigestion and a blood cholesterol reading of at least 400.
I do have to go to work Friday. I have visitors coming Friday that I’m scheduled to talk to, and end of the world or not, it would be rude to bail on them. I normally get off around 4:30. I think I’m supposed to talk to them around 3:00, but knowing how schedules typically get behind by the afternoon, chances are I won’t be done until around 4:00. But the MOMENT I’m done talking with my visitors, I am OUT the door. YEAAAAAH, BABY!! That’s right! It’s my birthday, and it’s the end of the world, and to HELL with the rules! I might skip out of work half an hour early or so!! If you can’t totally go nuts on the last day on earth, when CAN you? (OK, maybe I’ll make up the half-hour on Thursday night, just on the miniscule chance that Harold Camping is wrong).
Sorry, folks, you’ve got just a few dozen hours left on earth. Enjoy your next couple of days…hug your loved ones…snarf as many gourmet cupcakes as you want. And, I sincerely apologize that god has chosen to end humanity’s reign on earth, just to teach me a lesson. I’ll talk to you on the other side… (well, I guess it depends which side you end up on, and which side I end up on).